Beyond the Highlight Reel

Can I be raw for a moment?

Military spouses are tough, simply put. We are as iron; forged and strengthened in fire. We endure more than we ever realized we signed up for when we said our marriage vows to the loves of our life. On top of the typical vows, there should be an additional addendum just for military spouses to vow upon...beyond the normal sickness and health or good times and bad. We are so often blinded by love and pride for our husband's role in uniform that we forget that the uniform our husband wears, is also a uniform, of sorts, that we must also put on ourselves. So many times our husbands are called away and occupied getting their jobs established during a transition, leaving us wives to put on our "big-girl panties" and take care of business for our kids and for ourselves. We are pushed to the limits and shoved outside all comfort boundaries. We are constantly seeking silver lining through loneliness and uncertainty, surviving at times as single parents during separations from our husbands. In hindsight, there is a lot of water under a lot of bridges.

I highlight the experiences we have on this blog and keep it as basic as possible but in this move, I've been stretched and grown beyond any other time in Chris's past 10 years of service. I smile, through gritted teeth and held back tears, through frustration and unknowns. Sometimes, the tears are so welled up over time that they rage over all of the barriers that I had spent a lot of time and grit building up. My heart aches as I see our kids endure the goodbyes and nerves associated with new beginnings. I am still processing myself while trying to help our kids through the drastic changes and emotions they're facing on their own. For Finley, it's easy, and for Quinn and Rylan, it's been more challenging this time around. I don't have answers for their questions and am irritated by the steady flow of them.

I force optimism for me and the kids while inside, I'm full of pessimism and anger. I'm not always pleasant with Chris and the kids during these transitions. The kids are wild and seeking boundaries in this new place while I'm still trying to establish them while getting my own footing. I understand their behavior and am still annoyed and angered by it, instead of coming to their level and trying to make it work for them from their perspective. I'm lacking balance. True character is revealed when under pressure and I don't like what I'm seeing of myself during this immense amount of stress.

I don't say all of this for pity for myself or any other military spouse. I really am excited to be here in Japan and am chomping at the bit to explore and experience all that it has to offer in this incredibly unique opportunity we have. I know that every new place brings a grip of great friends and memories through all of the growing pains. I also know that there is a sobering reality behind each excitement involved with a move. Enjoy the incredible highlights of our experiences on this blog, there will be plenty of them, but also know that I'm real, human, flawed, and not always living the dream as it may appear at times through pictures and fun stories. There are a great many attractive perks to this lifestyle, but they come at a cost. At the end of the day, we are blessed and grateful for our unique opportunities to build irreplaceable friendships, see new things and places, and challenge and fortify our marriages with the men in uniform we love; the ones we said "I do" to and secretly, in the fine print, "Oo Rah", "Semper Fidelis", and "Semper Gumby" (always flexible).